My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
