Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
