Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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