it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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