WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
