So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
