In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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