can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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