I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
