For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
