i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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