Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
