we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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