its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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