i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is Oprah even human
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
