Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
