onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
