Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Boobs are out for the taking
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
