Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
