What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
