Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
