Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
