i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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