Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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