there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
third nipple confirmed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
