I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
