I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
