I'm gonna have a badass scar
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
