if you like me you must not know who I am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
