I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
