All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
