The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
sex in a hospital.. check
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
