Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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