Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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