i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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