So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
