my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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