i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
