giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
