so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
did you just send me my own nude
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
