you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
