Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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