The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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