I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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