I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
