Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
