I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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