Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
