she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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