Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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