so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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