And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
