he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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